It's Better Not to Be Bitter
(Hebrews 12: 14-15)

PBC July 16, 2000

INTRODUCTION

(attention)

For the past several weeks, I've been dealing with subjects such as depression, stress, and loneliness. These emotions have the potential to damage us, defeat us, and destroy us. Today I will be dealing with the subject of Bitterness. Of all the emotions I have been dealing with these past several week, this emotion is perhaps the most dangerous. You know why? Because it is a blight that will contaminate you. It is a burden that will crush you. It is a blaze that will consume you. In my estimation, of all the emotions that I'll be talking about, this is the most dangerous emotion of all, the emotion of bitterness. Bitterness is like a malignant tumor that will turn a healthy body into a cold corpse if it's not removed and the sooner the better.

(need)

Maybe you are someone today who has become a slave to the master of bitterness? Maybe some of you are bitter towards God? A tragedy has happened in your life and you blame God for it. Maybe some of you are bitter toward somebody else? A boss has fired you without cause. A spouse has walked out on you and has left you holding the bag. A dad has physically abused you. A mother has verbally abused you. Maybe you are bitter toward the church. Your name was left off the deacon list. You were left off the nominating committee report. You were not ask to serve in an area were you wanted to serve. You walked by someone and they didn't speak to you. Someone from the church didn't call you or come see you when you were sick. Maybe you are bitter towards pastor. He's not doing what you think he out to be doing. He's not preaching what you think he ought to be preaching and he's not seeing who you think he ought to be seeing and he is not being what you think he ought to be.

(definition)

Now let me tell you what bitterness is. Bitterness is the result of what happens to you when somebody hurts you or does you wrong. Bitterness is a harbored hurt hidden in the heart. What do I mean by harbored. I mean you nurse it, you cultivate it, you baby it, you love on it, you grow it, you feed it, you water it, you plant it, you do everything you can to make it grow. It is a harbored hurt hidden in the heart. Bitterness is dangerous, destructive, and deadly. It has to be dwelt with and it has to be defeated or it will defeat you!

(text: Hebrews 12: 14-15)

(transition)

I want us to look at bitterness from three different angles.

 

BODY

Division #1 First, I want you to see the DEEP ROOT OF BITTERNESS

Notice in verse 15, how the Bible describes bitterness. "looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled;" Bitterness is describe here as a root. Now you know what a root is. A root is something that is invisible to the naked eye. You can't see it but you know it is there. It is easy to plant but hard to dig up.

You may be wondering. Why do people get bitter? There are at least three reason why people get bitter. Number one, people get bitter because of what somebody says about us. Number two, people get bitter because of what somebody does to us. Or number three, what somebody takes from us. Those are basically three reasons why we get bitter.

Did you know that Jesus dwelt with all three of those reasons in the Sermon on the Mount.

A. For example, concerning what is said about us. Jesus said in Matthew, chapter 5, verse 11, "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake." Jesus said, "Has anybody ever said anything about you that was mean? Anybody ever said something about you that just wasn't true? Congratulations. You ought to just pat yourself on the back, because in verse 12 Jesus said, "Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you." They talked about the prophets. They talked about Jesus. They are going to talk about you. So don't get bitter get better.

B. Now, what about when somebody does us wrong? They don't just say something about you, they do wrong to you. Listen to what Jesus said in verses 38 and 39, "You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also." Jesus was saying, "It's not what happens to you that's important. It is how you react to what happens to you that really counts with God. Somebody slaps you on one cheek, you may not control that, but you can control whether or not you slap them back.

C. Well, what about, when somebody takes something from us? Jesus said in Matthew 5: 40, "If anyone wants to sue you and take away your tunic, let him have your cloak also." Jesus was simply saying, "It's better to be wronged than it is to do wrong."

Listen, it doesn't matter how sweet, how nice, how humble, or how meek you are, somebody's going to do you wrong. Somebody's going to say something about you, somebody's going to do something to you or somebody's going to take something from you and when they do, you will do one of two things. You will get bitter or you will get better. There's no in-between. You will get bitter or you will get better.

(transition) Now, that is the deep root of bitterness. But now I want you to see,...

 

Division #2 THE DESTRUCTIVE FRUIT OF BITTERNESS

Now every root bears fruit and the root of bitterness is no different. The Bible says in verse 15, "looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up (now watch this) cause trouble,..." Listen, if somebody says something about you. If somebody does you wrong. If somebody takes something from you. You better get better because if you get bitter you are heading for trouble. Let me tell you what bitterness will do to you.

A. Number one; it saturates the mind. There is a plant that grow around here called kudzu. It's the most demonic and devilish plant known to southerners. It will live where nothing else in the world will live. It will not grow when nothing else will grow. It will grow over trees. It will grow over plants. It will grow over flowers. It grows and it spreads like wildfire. It is the most stubborn plant you've ever seen. Well, bitterness is a spiritual kudzu. It will grow and it will spread until it saturates and takes over your mind. If somebody says something mean to you. If somebody does you wrong or takes something from you, if you allow it the root of bitterness will grow and grow so much that all you think about is that person who has wronged you.

S.I McMillian wrote a book entitled, None of These Diseases. I want you to hear what he said about bitterness. "The moment I start hating a man, I become his slave. I can't enjoy my work anymore because he even controls my thoughts. My resentments produce too many stress hormones in my body and I become fatigued after only a few hours of work. The man I hat

B. Bitterness not only saturates the mind it also saddens the spirit. Bitterness is a depressant. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever seen a happy bitter person? I have never meet a happy bitter person. You know why? There aren't any. Bitter people aren't happy.

There is a poet by the name of Edwin Markum. He had an experience with bitterness. When he reached the age of retirement, he thought he had a great nest egg to live on throughout the rest of his life, only to discover that his banker, who was his best friend, had defrauded him of every cent that he had. He became so bitter that he could no longer write poetry---what he had done all of his life. Here is what he said, "I became so obsessed with that banker and how I could hurt that banker and how I could get back at that banker and how I could get even with that banker and how I could do harm to that banker, all I could do was think about him. I'd wake up at three in the morning thinking about that banker. I'd wake up at four in the morning thinking about that banker. I'd drink coffee and begin to think about that banker." He said that all of a sudden in his heart, the Holy Spirit spoke to him and said, "Markum, if you don't deal with this thing, it is absolutely going to ruin you. Bitterness is a price too high to pay." Markum said, "Well, what do you want me to do?" He said, "I want you to forgive that man and I want you to forgive him right now." That great poet said he got down on his knees. He said it was the hardest thing he ever did in his life. But he said with the help of God in heaven, he got on his knees and said, "Lord, right now by faith, I forgive that man. I freely forgive that man and I release him from what he has done to me." And Markum said that at that exact moment it was almost as if he could feel the Lord Jesus reach into his heart and pull out that root of bitterness. He said, "I began to feel the river of joy flow back into my heart. My mind was unshacked. My pen was turned loose and I sat down that day and wrote a poem. That poem was the poem for which he was most famous, a poem called Outwitted.

He drew a circle that shut me out,

Heretic rebel, a thing to flout,

But love and I had the wit to win

We drew a circle and took him in.

And he said, "God changed my heart."

C. Bitterness saturates the mind, saddens the spirit and number three it sickens the Body. God did not create you body to carry a grudge. In that same book Dr. McMillan wrote, "Diseases, physical diseases, ranging from ulcers to high blood pressure, can be caused by the single emotion of bitterness."

Dr. Norman Vincent Peale told a story one time about preaching in New Jersey. He said after he got through preaching, there was a lady that came up to him, a beautiful lady in her early 40's. She was dressed in a beautiful dress and she was very sophisticated. She had a very sweet spirit and a beautiful radiant look about her. She came up to him and said, "I want to see you and I want to see you now." He stepped over to the side of the crowd there and said, "How may I help you?" He said he noticed that she kept scratching. He said, "How may I help you?" She said, "I've got this terrible itch. It's worse when I go to church and it gets worse when I hear strong preaching and it gets worse when I read my Bible. I don't know what to do about it." He said, "Well, let me do some background research and maybe I can help you. Do you have a personal physician?" She said, "I do." He said, "Give me his name." So she gave him the name of her personal doctor. He called this doctor up and told him who he was and told him the name of the lady. He said, "Oh yes, there's nothing physically wrong with her that I can find. She doesn't have anything organically wrong with her." Dr. Peale asked, "What do you think it is?" He said, "Well, I think she's got some kind of neurotic condition or some kind of obsession. I would describe it as an intermittal eczema. It's an itching that seems to be on the skin, but it's really on the inside." Dr. Peale said, "That's an amazing thing. I don't understand that." The doctor said, "Well, let me just tell you one other thing you may not know. I happen to know that she and her sister had a big-falling out several years ago and they don't even get along anymore. I don't think they even speak to one another." Dr. Peale said, "That's what I needed to know."

He called that lady into his office and said, "I want to ask you a question. Do you have a sister?" She jerked her head up and said, "Well, yes, I do." He said, "How do you get alone with her?" She didn't say anything. He said, "When was the last time you have spoken to her?" She didn't say anything. He said, "Well, let me ask you this question. Are you a Christian?" She said, "Yes sir." He said, "Do you love the Lord Jesus with all of your heart?" She said, "Yes sir." "Then I want to ask you a question. Do you love your sister?" When Dr. Peale asked her that question, she broke down and began to cry. She told him how about 15 to 18 years ago, their father had died and they got into an argument over the way the estate was to be split up. This woman said, "I got so mad at my sister, I looked at her and swore at her and said,'I will never speak to you again as long as I live.'" Dr. Peale said, "How long has that been?" She said, "About 15 to 18 years." He said, "You want to keep itching the rest of your life or do you want to get well?" She was scratching the whole time and getting worse as he talked. "You want to keep itching?" She said, "No sir." "Will you get on your knees right now and ask the Lord Jesus to forgive you?" She said, "Yes sir." She got on her knees and confessed that sin of bitterness and asked God to forgive her. He said, "Now, what's the telephone number of your sister?" She said, "What do you need that for?" He said, "I want you to call her." "Oh no, I can't do that?" Dr. Peale said she started itching again. He said, "You don't have a choice." She said alright and Dr. Peale dialed the number. That sister answered and he witnessed one of the most glorious reunions he had ever seen in his life. They got right with each other and she even confessed she was the one at fault, she was the one that was wrong. she said, "I'm going to buy a plane ticket and come see you tomorrow." And from that moment until he published his book, Dr. Peale said she never itched again.

 

(transition) There is the root of bitterness. There is that destructive fruit of bitterness.

Division #3 Third, I want you to see the DEFEATING PURSUIT OF BITTERNESS

Now let me quickly tell you how you can defeat bitterness. Now remember, a root is something underground. If you want to get rid of the root, you've got to dig it up. I mean, you've got to get aggressive. You've have to go after it. You've got to get down there and dig that root up.

Let me give you three simple steps to get rid of bitterness. Listen, if you don't get rid of bitterness, it will get rid of you. So how can I get rid of it? Three things you've got to do.

A. First, you've got to forget the problem. Listen to what Ephesians 4:31 says, "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, but PUT AWAY from you, will all malice:" Now that word "put away" literally means to throw in the garbage can. It means to dispose of. It means to discard. it means to get rid of. Whatever it was that person did to you, whatever it was that that person took from you, whatever it was that person said to you, you've got to go out to an unmarked grave and bury that problem forever.

I read a story about General Robert E. Lee, who visited a lady in Virginia after the Civil War. They were having some tea in her living room there, just visiting and having a wonderful time. He noticed a very bitter countenance come on her face. He said, "Is there anything that you'd like to tell me?" She said, "No, there's something I'd like to show you." She took him out to the back yard and there was one of the most beautiful oak trees he had ever seen in all of his life. She said, "Do you see that oak tree?" He said, "Yes." She said, "That oak tree is over 400 years old. It was for all intents and purposes an heirloom, because my family and my family's family and their family and their family and their family have grown up on this soil." He said, "Well, it's a beautiful tree." She said, "Go closer." When he went closer, he saw there the scarred remains of what the Union Army had done to that tree. They had defaced it. They has marked on it. They had cut into it and it was just a shell of what it once used to be. They had taken some of the limbs and used them for target practice and shot some of the limbs off. They carved their initials on that tree. They had carved profanities on that tree. She said, "Every time I look at that tree, it just eats me up." She said, "Now, I want to ask you a question, General Lee? What do you think I ought to do about it?" He said, "You want me to be honest?" She said, "I do." He said, "I think you ought to cut it down and forget it." Listen, that is good advice.

B. To defeat bitterness you must first forget the problem. Second, you must forgive the person. Ephesians 4: 32 says, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." You've got to forgive that person in the same way God forgave you. You say, "You just don't know how mean they were to me." It doesn't matter. The most ill treated person to ever walk this planet was Jesus Christ and yet when He was on the cross put there because of your sins and my sins, He said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

1. You need to forgive that person first of all, Freely. That is, whether they ask for it or not.

3. You need to forgive that person third of all, Finally. That is, you 've got to forgive them once and for all.

C. To defeat bitterness, you must first forget the problem. Second, you must forgive the person. And there is one more thing you must do. Third, you must forsake the practice. Look at Hebrews 12:14, "Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord:" That word "pursue" means to go after in an aggressive fashion. You've got to take the initiative even if you were the one done wrong. You've got to say, 'I'm going to end the war. I'm going to pull down the defense. I'm going to rebuild the bridge and I'm going to restore that relationship."

Here is something I want you to remember. Something that you can teach your children and your grandchildren. I cannot control how you act toward me, but I can control how I react toward you.

CONCLUSION

(restate)

There is the deep root of bitterness. There is the destructive fruit of bitterness. There is the defeating pursuit of bitterness.

(visualization)

Two thousands years ago, Jesus died to deliver you from the sin of bitterness. Pay attention. He died on that cross to deliver you from the sin of bitterness in the life to come. You say, "Well, what do you mean by that?" Hell is a bitter place filled with bitter people. He is filled with people who are bitter because they listened to the wrong voice. They're bitter because they ran with the wrong crowd. They're bitter because they made the wrong decision. They're bitter because they took the wrong turn. They're bitter because they went down the wrong road. They're bitter because they served the wrong God. The greatest bitterness a person can ever know is the bitterness of being in hell and yet knowing, "If I had just confessed Jesus as Lord and believed in my heart God raised Him from the dead, I would have been saved."

(action)

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